Celina speaks
| Celina's photos | Celina's blogs | Celina's profile | All blogs | |||
| My boyfriend was gay | |||
I was 16 and it was my first time at a nightclub with my friends. I met this really good-looking man, who was a lot older — by about almost 18 years — and we became really good friends. I loved spending time with him and when he told me ‘I love you’, I thought I loved him too. At 16, coming from a small town and a protected Army background, I didn’t know any better. I guess I also liked the idea of falling in love.
I had no idea of relationships either. It didn’t strike me as odd that my boyfriend liked to meet in public where he could be seen with me and would get angry if I bumped into him while he was with his friends. Gradually, my friends began to tell me that he was known to be gay. I fought with them and told them that just because he was different it didn’t mean he was gay. Gradually, the arguments started, and then physical abuse, when I asked him if he was seeing another woman. I had no reason to believe he was keeping a secret. However, one Sunday, I decided to land up at his place, that’s when I saw him with his ‘best friend’.
I lived in denial for the next few months. Then came a phase when I prayed to God to make him ‘normal’. I got severely bulimic… I was a complete mess. There would be times when I would worry that I shouldn’t put on weight or I would see him with his best-friend and come back, eat and throw up.
My close friends and my brother made me realise he was gay. That’s when I finally stopped fighting. There was another phase of physical abuse too and I finally decided that I was young, doing well for myself, had a good family and friends and there was no reason for me to take this.
I moved out of Kolkata and went on to become Miss India and then entered films, and we lost touch. One day, he phoned me and said, “Silly Billy (that’s what he called me), are you still mad at me? Please don’t be, God made me like this.” And, I realised he was right. How did I forgive him the physical abuse? I just did. My life was good, I had met a Swiss diplomat who I was then in love with, and could look beyond those times.
Besides, I then started seeing him as a person. We became the greatest of friends and when he passed away after a bulimia-induced heart attack, he left me his mother’s jewellery that would have ideally gone to a wife. He always said that had he married, it would’ve been to me. He did love me, in his own way.
His end was tragic, he got into wrong company, underwent tremendous depression, was a victim of gaybashing, alcohol and drugs took a toll on his life. He was also in relationships where he was physically abused, something I’ve seen a lot of my gay friends go through. And, they can’t turn to family for help. I found out all this only when he was no more, through friends.
Despite my lows in my first brush with love, I never blamed the gay community as I believe that the kind of person you are has nothing to do with your sexuality.
While he was the man who virtually ruined me when I was young, another man who nurtured me was Probir Kumar De, my first make-up person. Probir da was transgendered, wore a salwar kameez and fought his own battles as he rose from his middle-class roots, braving taunts of ‘hijra’. When I didn’t have money as a student in Kolkata, he would buy me lipsticks. He, along with a friend, entered me for the Femina Miss India contest without my knowing about it. He considered me his daughter.
I had another gay friend, a designer, who was beaten up at a nightclub. My gay friends have always been there for me and there’s nothing I’ve been able to do for them. Recently, when I flew to Bangalore for Feroz Khan’s funeral, I was in a fragile state. My gay friend, who knew exactly how I would be feeling, flew down to Bangalore, without letting me know, met me at the airport to accompany me and give me strength.
I wanted to gift Probir da a car for his birthday but he died three months before that. I always promised myself that I would take up the cause of gay rights when I could and that’s what I’m doing now, despite the hate mail that I receive. Ironically, a lot of the mails I get are from the youth. I want to ask them if being modern means fighting with your parents to be able to go to the nightclub, wear Western clothes, be able to smoke or drink? When it comes to gay rights, why are you still living in the previous century?
For me, gay rights are about human rights. And, I don’t care if people call me gay!
Tags : Celina Jaitely
Posted by Celina Jaitley in Celebrity blogs on Sun, 10 May, 2009
Report abuse
Comments
Souvik Ghosh:
Hi Celina,
I'am really impressed with your free, open minded an d copassionate views regarding gay community. I will be happy to have your views on lesbians. Do you have any practical experience in this respect? I wonder that if a person marries a lesbian, will he
get normal sexual satisfaction from her?
Looking for your thoughtful comments.
With best wishes,
Souvik Ghosh
M G:
हाई सेलिना ,
मैंने आपका ब्लॉग पढ़ा और लगा की आप काफी दयालु किस्म की लड़की है. अच्छा है दुनिया में कम देखने को मिलते है आप जैसे लोग. आप और हम अच्छे दोस्त बन सकते है.
Karan Rana: Amazing in this day and age we still have people wanting to hurt people for their sexual orientation. I have Gay friends and I never would treat them any different from others.
Posted on Mon, 14 Sep, 2009 Report abuse
Pankaj Gupta:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=723507092&ref=profile#/album.ph- p?aid=101093&id=723507092
Hi..
I am a painter from Lucknow,who always associate his work of art with some Social Cause...,my this series deals with LGBT issues...
Me a victim of IPC377,Where a FAKE CASE was imposed on me by Lucknow Police,was jailed for 13 days..still hv been fighting for that clean cit from Court from last more than 3 years..,people turned off their faces from me when it happened to me..but as I believed in myself I kept on fighting ..n would keep on fighting for Gay Rights & acceptabilty of society for these wonderful lot of hugely creative people...in b/w this Prince Manvendra is a very GOOD FRIEND of mine...
Regards.
Pankaj
pankajnicky@gmail.com
Nikita M: As an Indian I promote LIBERTY and EQUALITY of thought, expression, belief, faith, worship and sexuality !!! Each to their own...as long as it spreads love and happiness...life's beautiful lets keep it that way.
Posted on Mon, 14 Sep, 2009 Report abuse
Haridas Rajaram:
jesus said this.... sometime later that...we does
'nt need ur semitic convictions to explain truth,goodness or morality or anything.semitic religions have done much misery to the world.its a plain fact of history.therefor they are sacrilegeous and sinfull.church and it associates and pals have so much blood in their hand that all the perfumes of arabia wont cleanse the forever.hell with semitic religions.they desrve only gutters of india.
'
Haridas Rajaram: the whole of old testament is rubbish barbarism and it is the story of jewish people in their making.god who is jealous who demands attention from flock who punishes humanity with pleague....etc..new testament was revolutionary in content but was used by westerners for colonising africa and asia,the very spirit against christ revolted.so christainity gradually became a disease on the "skin of earth"as neitzhe called it along with democracy.christinity gradually became religion of the dead.it set its face against the ever flowing springs of life and robbed life from colonial slaves.it encouraged slave trade and is synonymous with all that is sinfull in practise.its high time christinity is legally abolished along with polygamic islam.hindutwa is the only remedy for india.the rest are a nuisance to national integration.india needs hinduism,sikhism jainisn amd buddhism only.the rest we will destroy with our iron hands.
Posted on Thu, 03 Sep, 2009 Report abuseGugol Gugol: MA'am we have only seen you as s** bombs in movie and often beleved that beauties are blond but after reading all these it really made me shiver.The point over here is not that - you are gay or not but the point is your way of giving tribute to yur beloved ones.There are many people in the your industry who are gay but very few of them are coming out for the sake of whole society.But you have done it and and your are going the upstream.May be euality for gays wont come easily and so quickly in our nation but it will come for sure.When we have soldiers like you we are bound to win .Thanks a lot and best of luck .May god fulfill your all needs.
Posted on Thu, 03 Sep, 2009 Report abuseBhanwarlal Meghwal: It seems that we are confused about type of gays,active , passive or mutuals.
Posted on Tue, 25 Aug, 2009 Report abuse
Alok Sharma:
Your story is so sad. But no t like my story.
It is heartbreaking story.
Hindian Guy:
@Suresh
Exactly. God says that most important thing is to love and respect each other. and to not harm innocents, who have not harmed you.
Anyone who considers preaching their religion, should check first that this is what God deems most important of all, and that they should obey this law first, and everything else is secondary.
Suresh Kaliyath:
i really appreciate Hindian Guy's comment,but does the world obeying the commandments God has given to everyone?no one wants to obey but when time comes
each one will be regreting and will feel sorry for themselves,but it will be too late.
so time is there now for you to change and humble yourself,let the pride go out of you,let God's spirit work in you
Hindian Guy:
So you heard my worldview. I am trying to understand that whether a "religious" person like you who is so adamant on using OT as a weapon against gays, is equally religious regards Exodus 22:20, 21:11, 21:10. ? How do you feel about non-fulfillment of Exodus 23:26 and does that mean that your God can say false things?
Why are you adamant on antigay laws, but not so adamant on obeying Exodus 22:20? Any reason why you are so picky and think one is important but not the other?
Jesus in NT says nothing about either of the above two. If you state that Jesus advocates one but not the other, I want to know in which chapter and verse he specifically says so. If you think Jesus implicitly approves one, what leads you to believe that he doesn't implicitly approve the other as well?
Seems like you do not really believe in OT, nor do you obey the bible equally. Whatever *my* worldview might be, there is no way for you to weasel out of this one. Either OT applies or it does not apply. Which?
Hindian Guy:
@Suneel
My worldview in no way causes a problem for you, unless your worldview requires you to harm innocents who have done nothing to you, and act like a bully. So why exactly is my worldview relevant in the first place?
You seem to have somehow decided that you can attack and insult whoever you want on basis of bible, but that you must not be questioned on what basis you interpreted that Jesus wants you to do so.
If I ask you questions, you want to first become a christian and also state my worldview. When I state it, you tell me it should be a christian worldview, else it is invalid.
Basically all you seem to say is that I must NOT have an opposing opinion, before asking you questions. Which is hilarious.
I asked you a few questions. Can you actually really answer them, instead of throwing tantrums about my "worldviews"? I don't see why you need to know *my* worldviews to explain the inconsistencies of *your* actions and beliefs. And in any case I have stated my "worldview".
Hindian Guy:
@Suneel
I said my world view is not important here. It is you who is talking about perssecuting gays due to your so-called views.
Just because I said that my worldview is offtopic/irrelevant to topic, doesn't means you can conclude I do not have one. I was not aware that having religion makes people jump to nonsensical conclusions.
My worldview is simply that do not cause harm to those who have not knowingly harmed you directly, and to help those who need it, and agree to be helped, and to cause only minimum possible harm needed to stop those who hurt you.
There is no rule that says I have to follow only xyz established views. What of my worldview now? What will you do with it?
Bottom line is that you again cunningly avoided answering my questions. Anytime I ask you these things, you immediately start some nonsense to avoid answering.
All you are saying is that you just hate gays and don't care what bible says or Jesus says.
Thra M:
@suneel: Yes, Suneel there are other translations. But I am not about to pitch them against your translation. Its not possible for me to fight for them against you. Either side knows better. I am not a Christain and neither translation is the reason behind my being. But as an observer I of course like the one which accepts me. So, I keep them with me for my 'bedside reading'. Its not for me to prove that your faith is wrong or right. I just protect my being.
Just like you I am not here to win an argument. You are a human being and its not nice when you dissaprove of me - so I try to discuss with you trying my best. But as it is, I think we have reached a deadlock in a sense.
Suneel Kondeti: OKAY HINDIAN GUY, I WILL FORGET YOUR WORLDVIEW. THERE IS NOTHING TO DISCUSS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE A WORLDVIEW. A PERSON WITHOUT A WORLDVIEW IS LIKE FLOATING IN THE SEE OF NOTHINGNESS. IT'T NOT THAT A PERSON DOESN'T HAVE A WORLDVIEW, IN FACT EVERYONE HAS ONE, THE BOTTOM LINE IS MOST OF THEM DON'T KNOW WHAT THEIR BELIEFS AND WORLDVIEWS ARE. A PERSON BELIEVES IN NOTHINGNESS HAS A NIHILISTIC WORLDVIEW, THAT IS WHAT PEOPLE LIKE NIETZSCHE PROPAGATED.....
Posted on Sun, 02 Aug, 2009 Report abuseSuneel Kondeti: Thra, could you kindly tell me which translations. can you specify those translations and tell me which verses are those where you find it is different. and do u in fact know from which translation i am talking about before you talk about other translations?
Posted on Sun, 02 Aug, 2009 Report abuseThra M: @Suneel: Jesus was not specific. I have other translations. Thanks for yours.
Posted on Sat, 01 Aug, 2009 Report abuse
Other blog posts by Celina
Latest blogs
Life we live
As time goes by, one realizes, there is nothing called Time. Time does not exist. Things gradually disintegrate. This is a constant process of energy ..
posted by Hemant Desai in General
on Sun, March 21, 2010 | Views : 4
See-Evil Servants
Thank God Subhash Chandra Bose did gave a lesson or two on patriotism to the interviewer sitting across during the ICS (Now IAS) exam and threw away t..
posted by Dhabaleswa Jena in General
on Sun, March 21, 2010 | Views : 6
FERNANDO ALONSO
WE CAN'T SAY, SINCE WHEN KIMI WAS IN FERRARI FOR FIRST , HE WON WORLD CHAPIONSHIP BUT WE ALL HAVE SAW THAT WHAT THEY DO WITH CHAMS LIKE KIMI , I DON'T..
posted by Pulkit Tripathi in Sports
on Sun, March 21, 2010 | Views : 3
SOULMATE.............
SOULMATE.......... U r the onl..
posted by Ruchi Gupta in General
on Sun, March 21, 2010 | Views : 22
Samir Kumar: dost ? aur woh celina? ah..its impossible..celina is not normal girl..c is high profile girl..n why will c friendship wth us? huh...maine aaj tak kisi heroine ko kisi simple aur middle class family ke ladke ke sath love kartey nahi suna...
Posted on Sat, 06 Feb, 2010 Report abuse