I am a working mother and work under constant guilt of not being able to take care of my child my self. I leave him behind with the maid. To make up for all the lost time, I end up doing all that he asks for (giving into his whims and fancies) I don't know if its for fighting that guilt or its my way of expressing love towards my kid.. i want to ask all the working mothers out there if they also go through the same feeling of guilt? and if you do how do you overcome it ?

I applaud you for feeling guilty. I think, in most cases, until the child goes to school, I think it is abuse! I think there are a lot of parents that should not have children in the first place, have them for the wrong reasons, societal pressure, or by mistake. I think ONE parent should always be home until the child is at least five. I agree 100% with the child psychologist, Jefferey Fine, who says working moms are abusing their children. Yeah, people "say" they are working to afford diapers, food, etc. But also ipods, huge screen TV’s, cable, the latest cell phone, a brand new SUV, video games, etc. There are exceptions, but here in the US, too many people are working. I think it is so selfish, another example of America going downhill. I was a therapist and teacher before I chose to be a stay-home mom, my partner and I could afford it and we waited until I was older. I am happy you at least have a nanny, better than daycare. Daycare does damage. Why have children at all? Selfish to bring lives into the world when you can't even take care of yourself! I have two masters degrees, a supportive partner, and we are not rich, but can afford good things and one of us stays home. Daycare is like an orphanage to me. Yeah, the staff can be nice, but when you are seeing your parents 10 hours during the workweek, that is abuse. I am liberal as they come in many ways, but breeding and leaving is abuse, period. Talk to any adult that was raised in daycare or by a nanny and they will agree!

i fully disagree i give time to my family & husband & both are in touch with me. i know they have some expectation from me i try to fullfill them i also know my child waited for me i avoid late night working in office

After doing my phd and pursuing MBA I quit work for selfish reasons. I missed my boys so much, their karate, helping with spelling homework, making afterschool treats and kissing them when they came home from school. But I was lucky. I was able to make that choice.



Sad really, our consumer desires have made motherhood a luxury. Hmmmm

Being a working mum and being a full-time mum can have its advantages and disadvantages. The experience that a working mum brings, the routine and structure if carried out effectively can benefit the kids, but the effects of stress and guilt are unwanted. Similarly a full-time mother has good time to spend with the kids, is there for them to support them emotionally, but if the mother is not happy to be at home and get bored and hates being at home, she won't give her best to the kids. The ideal think would be to have a part-time job. These days there are a few available in some lines. It to some extent gives mums the best of both worlds. You may have to change your line and use your earlier experience. It would be a bit of a compromise, but a huge benefit . It is not easy to find a part-time job, but with determination it does work out somehow. Hope the part-time job concept will get more popular in all areas of work.

I donot think generalizing that working mom's harm the kids is good. Every family is unique in itself. I saw lot of cases where kids miss not spending time with mom's and get depressed especially gals.. and also housewives who donot keep their kids clean and teach them good manners, As some one here said, quantity of time that you spend with kids is not important, but the quality is important. I feel giving kids whatever they ask for as re-paying them for the time you lost due to your job will sometimes harm kids. They will not know how to earn things, working hard, and the art of surviving in this harsh world. I feel working mom's may sometimes harm kids ( in some cases ) but certainly not in all cases.

I am nt here to decide what is right and what is not.. but my concern is that i have a working wife, who work late at times and during that time i am at home with my kid. we take care that either of us is there with the kid.. but sometimes it so happens that she misses her mom so much taht she wont even come to me and will eithr throw her tantrums or cry like something. what to do i9n such situation? its very obvious that i will feel bad and might as well pick up a fight on the same with my wife. Am i thinking wrong? Can anyone suggest.

i do agree with all, But I have come across so many working mothers who feel very guilty... especially those who have very demanding jobs that involves travel and to some extent the child also makes you feel guilty. As you rightly said it depends on the individual, how she plans and organizes her schedule.. but even i want to know how...?

@ Swagata Really mam? i disagree with your statement that you working moms give you kids sense of pride... are you trying to say that the kids of housewives lack sense of pride and accomplishment? Let me correct you lady that kids with both the working parents suffer the most, since they are deprived of supervision, guidance and love that only moms can shower and not their substitutes. Kids either end up being spoilt brats or are emotionally weak. you can for sure make up for the lost time by buying them all that they want but believe me they need more than that which is mother's love and guidance.In short ,having a working mother is harmful for a kid.
My advice to you-don't guide ppl when you are yourself not sure about the pros and cons..

no,I don't think so ... It all depends on quality time spent with kids rather than quantity..I think working moms kids are more independent compared to the others. But you must remember and ensure that kids remain your top priority.. being a mother you can't choose career over them, its not right! Though balancing both is difficult but then lot of women do it..