Opinion Poll
Our Relationship Issues !!!
'Affairs' happen due to many reason..
Hot Threads
Gopala Chintakindi First of all what I feel is affairs happen first and then we attach it a valid reason.. and the first reason which i believe is the couple in affairs.. more
Anand Venkatesh My dear friend if you think unhappy marriages or relationships are the only reason for affairs, i think you are living in the stone age, there are ma.. more
Topic owner: Priya Narang:
One of friends at work, who is a happily married guy is having an affair with his assistant, since i am close to him i asked him his reason for distraction despite being happy with his wife and he stated 'boredom' as the reason, my biggest myth is shattered now, i thought people who are unhappy in their marriages tend to have affairs.
But looking at him, looks like affairs happen due to other reasons too. Is it so , can anything else justify an affair of a committed person
Syed Mahaboob Bahs..
no it is wrong to conclude, some are sick of. they always want to have another woman, even u give him a chance to flirt he get ready, these people are so ,
Prashanth Cp
anybody can have an affair irrespective of being happily married or not. Marriage is a creation of man whereas attraction towards the opposite sex is a natural instinct. If there is an opportuniity, most of the people will fall into affairs.
Ravi Sharma
Y married women takes their husband as granted and think that their maritial noose is so tight that husbands can not leave her.So this is the reason that husbands wants girl friends in their life to regenerate energy in their innerself.
Mostly husbands in the age group of 45-55 are the worst victims of this dictatorial attitude of wives.One day husband leave her and starts new life,those ugly women starts weeping and try to gain sympathy from society and nearone.But to no avail as he had left for whole life and living happily.
Ladies please dont take your husband's love and affection as granted to save your married life.
Naveen Verma
Well priya..tell me one thing...y r we human? what makes us different from animals? One simple answer is we can take decisions. We can decide what is right and what is wrong? If ur married friend is having an affair out of boredom then this does not mean ur myth is broken. Rather working on the differences or the cause boredom, he lately might be having with his wife, he is concentrating smwhere else. smday he will loose what he kud hav saved. Buddy when we say dat we are committed , this means we are responsible for all pros and cons in our relationship in future. We are responsible if the passion ends and only we are responsible if we kud reignite it or not! Buddy don't shatter ur myth just because of one guys perception towards life. Plus ur belief should not be based on others.
We normally see commitment in spouses only. For a change luk into our family. in our lifetime there might be so many problems hav happened with our family....big or small...but our family is still together ... members of our family r still committed to each other...for all this long years....Y? coz they r attached by strings .... this is called commitment....n slowly same things happen in married life..... Commitment is a process to understand how stay honest , trust worthy etc to the one u r committed to .. it is not a simple term. i hope u understand wat i mean to say...tk cr
M S
Priya, As u say, no one has any control over relationships priya, It just happens, and if it wants to end, it just happens, All is in the game, One has to be careful either in the border lines or crossing over the bars...Mainly there should not be any after effects to hurt anyone.
D C Pandey
HI PRIYA
AAPNE ACHHA TOPIC DISCUSS KE LIYE UTHAYA HAI YE AFFAIR HO JANA GALATA HAI
SADI KE BAD AFFAIR KAISE HO SAKTA HAI HAMARI SADI KO 25 SAL HO GAYE HAI KOI KABHE KISE SE KESE TARAH KA AFFAIR NAHE HUE PATA NAHE LOGO KO SADI KE BAD KAISE YE SAB HO JATA HAI LOK KAM MEN MAN NAHE LAGATE HAI OFFICE ME IS TARAH KE BATO ME JYADA DHYAN DETE HAI LARKIIYO KE FASHION NE BHE MAHOL BIGAR DIYA HAI CHHOTE CHHOTE KAPRE PAHAN KAR LATE HAI PURUSH MITRO KO LUBHATI HAI TABHI PAPACHAR ANACHAR ATTYACHAR THA BALATKAR HO REHE HAI
Ritaban Majumder
Hi Priya, an extra marital affair is an act of infidelity at the end of the day.However,you cannot really define or pass a judgement on such an act. As Gopala correctly pointed out, sometime the reasons can be valid or justified, but sometime it cannot be. Whatever, the reason for such a relationship, one thing I can tell you is that the outcome is usually disastrous for both the partners. Let us be clear on one thing, you really cannot live two lives at the same time. At one point or the other, the relationship comes out in the open. Every relationship is based on one single factor -trust. And if the trust is broken, it becomes nearly impossible to mend it. However valid reason the affair may have, it really cannot justify that a person is in two simultaneous relationships. Your colleague said "boredom" was the reason for his cheating on his partner. Ask him if he ever tried to create excitement in his marriage?Ask him if he ever talked to his wife about how they can add spice to their married life? I am sure his answer will be in negative. Priya, life is about the choices we make. I have seen plenty of aged couples, both in India as well as in other countries, who have lived happily ever after. Being a married person, I can tell you, boredom is a quite natural thing to set in every relationship. A school of thought says that "Marriage is an end of romantic love". To some extent this may be true. The initial fizz that is there in the beginning of a relationship cannot be sustained after sometime.The nature of relationship that me and my wife shared during our 4 years of courtship cannot be the same now, after 6 years of marriage and a 2.6 years old son. What has set in is "enduring love". Which to us is even more stronger than what was there when we courted. But since the initial fizz goes off, that doesn't mean that we go on cheating around. Unless, your colleague is in "love" with the other woman. But again, if that is true, that means he does not love his wife anymore. Now,then why does he want to carry a loveless relationship and ruin three lives-his, his wife's and also the colleague with whom he is dating ? You know Priya, the problem with us is that we ourselves do not know what we want. Many of us are a confused lot! We seldom fail to distinguish between "love' and "infatuation". Sad, but that's a hard fact of life. Your colleague needs to be first clear with himself and what he wants. There really cannot be any excuse of continuing two relationships simultaneously for a married man or a woman. Thus, no justification of an extra marital affair by a committed person hold good under any circumstances. Since you had the courage to ask him such a personal question, I assume you share a very good relationship with him. If possible and if permitted, advice him to come out of this relationship immediately. Otherwise, he is heading towards a destiny that has the immense power to jeopardize his entire future-personal as well as professional life!
Girish Ingale
huu... you have a UK style of writing... :) not used to it, don't mind !
well it is true what you have meant !
Ritaban Majumder
Dear Girish, probably you did not understand my write up. I never wanted to justify EMA. All I said that there can be circumstances that can lead to EMA. But the reason 'boredom" as suggested by Priya's colleague is absurd. That is what I wrote? I agree with you that EMA is a disgusting, but there can be several circumstances where a person can be stuck up in an unhappy marriage. That's why I wrote that it is better to come out of such relationship rather than carrying on two simultaneous relationships. That's why I harped on opening up communication channel, lack of which is by far the biggest reason for discomfort between couples. So, request you to please read through it thoroughly before passing any comments.
Girish Ingale
having an extra marital affair is simple cheating and it CANNOT BE JUSTIFIED UNDER ANY CATEGORY,please correct your sentence ! EMA or cheating after marriage is the most disgusting thing one can do !
Gopala Chintakindi
First of all what I feel is affairs happen first and then we attach it a valid reason.. and the first reason which i believe is the couple in affairs want to to have it..then get into it and later they attach other reason removing them self as reasons..
I am not married and donot have affairs so I am not expert but I believe that affairs have reasons but sometimes those reasons are valid and sometimes those reasons are not justifiable.. most of the times the reasons are always selfish..in this case your friend wanted to have affair first and he prefered to have affair instead of getting out of boredom...but sometimes affairs really have valid reasons..
Gopala Chintakindi
Yes in this world most of the issues between couples can be resolved by open and true talking..but not all couples do so and for why we can get many answers...first thing why they donot talk is that they are not interested in each other any more..even though this case may be temporary..some cases issues like busy, fear..afraid and so on come into picture..i guess your reason for western culture is is good and indian culture is not same as west in this regard.. your point of literally catching ..you see buddy..what i feel is it is easy to say but things in reality doesnot happen in real lives..it is real and they are not as simple as it is to do what we say and type even though they are easy to do..and you said we INDIANS are always looking for chance..it would have been better if you said we HUMANS.. it is not only related to INDIANS.. after coming to USA, I am even more proud to be Indian and what beliefs we have and what we practice..we must be proud to be...just want to bring to notice that..now days online i see lot of things that makes me feel that indians are more attracted to other cultures and in skin of DEVELOPMENT we are going off track of development and losing our identity...this is just a point i want to make..maybe little bit off subject..
Girish Ingale
your example is relevant,100%.But does this means that the 2nd partner should not talk to the 1st partner about the concern and go ahead searching sex ! This does not sound relevant ! Everything on planet earth can be talked over. The so called Western Culture is too good at talking , why not take an example from them. And anyhow, i think when in a relation , it has been Indian culture , that the couple have the world's rights to show their ownership on the other ! Hope get what i meant .So if one has a concern , and other is too busy , s/he can literally catch hold of the other,and talk it out ! Ya, but only when s/he has real intentions to do so .... otherwise we Indians are always looking for "chance pe dance".
Gopala Chintakindi
Nope buddy.. it doesnot makes dead man alive.. you see sometimes this happens.. one partner is busy with work and neglects sexual desires of his/her partner..then second one have affairs.. later they come to know and second one will say sorry.. then first busy partner thinks and sees that he/she has also had some role to play and take blame..but still love partner..in that case they come together.. maybe the love is not same as before but still such thing happens.. rarely but surely somewhere in some one life it happens..
Girish Ingale
you are still not getting the point... ok tell me "Does SORRY make a dead man alive ????
Gopala Chintakindi
But still believes and feels affairs sometimes may have valid reasons..
Girish Ingale
Thanks buddy ! We at last agreed on one common fact !
Gopala Chintakindi
@Girish..yes buddy maybe i was wrong since from past two hours i was trying to give one valid good reason for EMA..do you know..i was unable to convince my mind and heart even after i gave few reasons.. yes maybe ur correct i am wrong abt that sometime part..
Girish Ingale
i agree dude and thats what i was saying ... you actually misunderstood ... anyways... i agree with what you said ...but not the last statement "But sometimes buddy... there will be certain valid reason for EMA..but only sometimes.."
I think this is not justified under any circumstance ! I am very sure that whatever happens , there is always a way to work things out .
Gopala Chintakindi
@Girish...I guess affair are not due to cultural difference buddy. I personally feel we must not point finger at Western culture and say that because of Western culture influence we are having affairs. I personally donot see it so since before we were more influenced by western we also had many affairs that were going on.. it is just now that people talk abt it more openly..
US also have their share of affairs and comparing to us they donot attach more emotions then what we do and their society is more practical and broad minded then us.. they follow their own culture , life style and beliefs...
I was just talking abt what people give reasons for EMA...i am not supporting it..i also feel if their is boredom or no romance instead of affairs..as in this case.. it would be better if couple talk with ecother.. but people invariably donot do that and go into affairs....EMA is never solution for boredom or dead romance in marriage...
But sometimes buddy... there will be certain valid reason for EMA..but only sometimes..
Girish Ingale
You are right Gopala. However , don;t you think that if we are so inclined to the Western Culture, why don't we talk it out first ? You are residing in US and i sure you might be aware that US people are much of a people who try to talk out things first m before taking any serious action !
Indian are merely excuse-rs , who don't want to talk it out, only for the fact that they don' t have their facts in place. If one is going through a boredom , their are a 1000 ways to get out of it ! EMA is not a solution to the problem , but a mere addition of problem. Its a challenge to handle one female , how can these guys go around with 2 females man ? Hats offs to the bastards, who are so talented !
What have the rest to say ?
Krishnamurthi Rama..
Hi,
We are slowly changing our life structure to western ways.the reasons are well known,more income, more education, more foreign exposure,more net friendship, more socialization in public places, more modern ideas, ego,super ego,mental tensions,day today nagging from existing relationship also adds new happenings ,and results may be favorable or unfavorable in near future.
Deba Kar
I agree with Gopala and Girish. We should comment about lifestyle after havong good understanding about western culture. Go through the past, there would be many instance with having top restriction and lack of openness.
Gopala Chintakindi
Hi Mr Rama..i read your reply and welcome it.. but you see in our culture also we had affairs..from long ago..so blaming everything on western is not good..
Girish Ingale
however , this should not mean that we should forget our ground rule... come onn , before marriage its different, after marriage its different. Youths today , before marriage are going around changing partners like dialer tones ! and after marriage like handsets !
And who says western people go onn sleeping around with different people ... doesn't mean that they kiss each other in the middle of a street that they are characterless and culture-less ! Those people are lot more civilized and disciplined than we Indians. There is a lot of difference between what we see in a Hollywood Movie and a real life !
Grow up people !
Charan Singh
i think we all are of same nature if it's about a relationship and as there is a drastic change in the youth of india no one can remain happy with some one throughout the life that's the reason behind the matter!!
hope u agree!!
Gopala Chintakindi
@Girish..i completely agree with you dude..you gave perfect example of what changes is..what is good and what is bad.. but i feel pity and worried when people change partners like clothes...and now days more gals are doin it..
Gopala Chintakindi
I agree but not completely Singh..you see here topic is about affair not relationship and i am sure there is difference between affair and relationship...
Girish Ingale
i agree buddy ,but not completely ... changing times merely does not mean that we go onn sleeping with mean and women like whores ! Changing times mean , we change technology , we change our lifestyle, we improve our livelihood , etc. It does not mean we change partners like we change our clothes .
I petty on people who think changing partners is cool ! Infact there is nothing cheaper than that ..... and ha ... infectious too ... there are chances of STD's and HIV !
Girish Ingale
Just a small clarification from my part...
I think the Topic Owner has biased views ... since she has specifically mentioned about a "guy". I would like to bring to her notice that , the ratio of men:women going for extra marital affairs are EQUAL ! Because if wither of the couple goes inn for a EMA(extra marital affair) its very obvious, depending on the present society times, the counter partner will go inn for a EMA for whatsoever reason !
I would like to refer the link ... http://www.idiva.com/bin/idiva/DarkSecre ts-Overview... which will prove that men and women sail in the same ship , when it comes to love sex aur dhoka ... !
The Topic Owner better take care of this the next time !
Suresh Nair
hi priya
please don't get your myth shattered for silly things because there are somany guys in this world who are interested in varieties so you please ignore them and look out for someone who is not of that type.
regards.
Gopal Krushna
Hi priya whatever u mentioned right but i think it depends on both how dey carry forward their their life of njoyment if only due to boredom he is doing like dis den he must talk with his wife nd who knows his wife too feeling same abt him .....give me ur reply on this ..
Thanks
Gopala Chintakindi
Gopal..i accept with you.. he just gave selfish reason for his wrong deed.. he must talk instead of affair..
Priya Narang
@ Gopal- Totally agree with you on this my friend, i think its all in the mind, mostly communication between partners and will to work out things can save lot of infidelity cases from happening
Ali Baig
@Priya- Naaa, my neighbor has an enviable wife and beautiful kids, he cheats like he eats...
Gopala Chintakindi
There is a saying in Telugu which means.. neighbors curry tastes better then our own house..
Nidhi Jain
U SEEM TO BE LIKING THE NEIGHBOR'S wifee...:)
Rahul Grover
the desire to feel important or special is also a big reason
Gopala Chintakindi
that maybe rahul..but i donot think it is valid.. what you mean by special in affair.. the couple cannot tell in society that they have affair..so how come they are giving special.. and abt important i guess only lust not love at all and people who say they love affair partner it is just they are making fool..
James Karl
Being a man i confess, most of the time its 'Thrill of chase' and not unhappy relationships
Gopala Chintakindi
Karl..correctly said
Khushboo Mirchanda..
@Priya- No way, i know a lot of people who are happy with their partners but cheat for cheap thrills
Anand Venkatesh
My dear friend if you think unhappy marriages or relationships are the only reason for affairs, i think you are living in the stone age, there are many more reasons to it , the biggest being- ' MORE SEX '
Girish Ingale
MORE SEX WITH MORE PARTNERS and more chances of STD's and HIV ! gosh ! i better not have sex then have sex and die with pity from the society !
Gopala Chintakindi
I guess when you say MORE SEX..i guess it is MORE SEX WITH MORE PARTNERS.
Girish Ingale
"more sex" how many times can a man have a sex in a day ... no man is a TARZAN ! how many times can a women fell the big O ?
Come guys be realistic ! there is nothing called as "more sex" its a mere psychological illness !
Ishrat Khan
@anand- Yea man I agree More and VARIETY of sex, remember the following variety is the spice of life
