My mother-in-law is a heart patient and she needs to be taken care of all the time. Due to this, I can't focus on anything else - i'm on the verge of losing my job, can't look after my 2-year-old kid, can't even take time out for myself.
I don't know how to share it with my husband. Pls friends, can you suggest me a way out and deal with all of this.

.@author:.i wont say stop ur job...i would say develop some feelings for ur mil and so whatever u would have done for ur mom....if u start feeling that she is ur mom.u would start loving her as much as ur mom and caring for her would become fun

There should not be two solutions in your mind. Nobody in this world is right or wrong. You decide what you want from your life and go ahead. There are only two situations: (1) either you help your MIL or (2) you do not help her. In case if she is in critical condition and dies without finding any help from your side AND If you will never regret of this event, then of course, there is no problem. You must move ahead in life and look after your job. if you ever regret your decision, then your career and mental setup will be surely in problem. If you leave your job aside at this moment and take care of ailing parents, then you will not have any reason to regret. If you are so particular about job, then it clearly shows that you cannot find a suitable job, say after your MIL dies. You are not confident enough to restart your career. In that case you are not fit for the job even at this moment. I will be surprised if the person of your caliber will be earning more than 2.5LakhsPA. Just for ~2-3Lakhs you are loosing hopes!! chhih.. chhih.. very sad. Human relationship and a few lakhs.. Just imagine yourself in her place and start thinking your own child doing this mathematics. Will you feel good? There are arrogant people around, who will never accept that they will be hurt in such situation. You should become like them, you must speak lies to yourself to win the regret. Go ahead, no "lecture on Indian culture, sanskaar" as suggested by Priya (didi) Singh.

There should not be two solutions in your mind. Nobody in this world is right or wrong. You decide what you want from your life and go ahead. There are only two situations: (1) either you help your MIL or (2) you do not help her. In case if she is in critical condition and dies without finding any help from your side AND If you will never regret of this event, then of course, there is no problem. You must move ahead in life and look after your job. if you ever regret your decision, then your career and mental setup will be surely in problem. If you leave your job aside at this moment and take care of ailing parents, then you will not have any reason to regret. If you are so particular about job, then it clearly shows that you cannot find a suitable job, say after your MIL dies. You are not confident enough to restart your career. In that case you are not fit for the job even at this moment. I will be surprised if the person of your caliber will be earning more than 2.5LakhsPA. Just for ~2-3Lakhs you are loosing hopes!! chhih.. chhih.. very sad. Human relationship and a few lakhs.. Just imagine yourself in her place and start thinking your own child doing this mathematics. Will you feel good? There are arrogant people around, who will never accept that they will be hurt in such situation. You should become like them, you must speak lies to yourself to win the regret. Go ahead, no "lecture on Indian culture, sanskaar" as suggested by Priya (didi) Singh.

Good question particularly in to days modern world where every one is worried about self and their near dears. Is your MIL is not your near dear? Think what you would have done if she would have been your real mother? Think if same situation will arrive for you in future when you will grow aged.

Options are there if you look around. Find some kind lady as care taker and pay her from your salary. Find some close relation lady of your MIL and bring her at your home as care taker for your MIL. Don't think selfish and put such questions, it makes you clear what type of person you are.

Oh! no ..I'm 29.. but after this Qs and Ansrs.. I'm confused.. who will gonna help me on this stage..

I'm still unmarried.. :-( :- ( :-(

Mummmmyyyyyyyy.......

If you feel your husband is not aware about this and not concerned. Then you are not aware about your surroundings. In case he really is not aware then you should think about your relationship. If first case is correct then your husband should consider his relationship.

@Author, dont assume life to be full of roses. You need to intelligent when crossing thorns in the path. For some time, lets think if you were in that stage, wouldn't you take OFF for some days? Had she been your mother, wouldn't you have treated her in troubles.

I don't mean to throw the blame on you, it is you and your husband, who need to jointly share your feelings with one another. Request your husband to put his legs in your shoes and he will really feel the pain that you are going through.

Prioritize your tasks, share the tasks between you.

For sure, like someone mentioned in the thread, your MIL is an asset to your kid.

Lastly, spend some time for Yoga to bring down the stress levels.

@Priya - Life is not about mathematics (addition, substraction, multiplication, division). Its all about tradition, culture, SANSKAR etc., You can feel them only when you exhibit them.

I suppose you should talk to your husband, and try getting a domestic help (24*7) to look after her, you should supervise her. In case, the problem is a routine and not critical/ life threatening, the domestic help should be sufficient. You need to ensure that the finances allow you to keep a help or else, this would a reason for frustration. No matter what, the lady should be looked after whether its your husband's mom or your own.

Lots of women are in your condition. You just think that she is your mother. I think that will solve the problem.

If both of you are working, believe me, your kid will need the grandmother, more than you, for his balanced development. MILs are always assets, not a liability. You need to take care of that asset. If don't agree, ask advise from any middle age parrent having teen age kids.

Just Put Your Own mother in place of your mother-in-law, I believe that you will find ur ansewr..... :)

BE FRIENDLY WITH HIM,AND THINK SEE IS A VERY VALUABLE GIFT FOR YOU, IF YOU WILL DO ANY THINK FOR HOM HE WILL BLESS U.

THIS WILL GIVE U MORE POWER TO FIGHT WITH ALL UNWANTED ACCIDENT/INCIDENT

Hi Minakshi, to me what Priya Singh makes sense. But please discuss this with your husband and make him understand your problems. He should not feel that you are not concerned about his mom. Good Luck.

We all have to see the future one day and getting old ..

think ???

what u will do when ur old and need to look after .........

Sometime we have to decide which we dont want to but we have to accept that .....

If u are only one who is managing the family then u should not quit ur job but if your husband is also earning then u should take care of your mother in law.

that is best suggestion i can give

take care

Now u will get lecture on indian culture, sanskar etc(esp by male readers). well, get a care taker for ur MIL and baby sitter for baby and go back to ur normal life. what u earn if u distribute half for the sake of family peace there is no harm. This is not one day phenomena.U also need balance of mind and body.

What would you do, if it was ur Husbands Mil!

We all will be have such condition (god forbid us for going through such situation)one day in our life, if you are not the sole bread winner for your family and your husband can manage expense without your contribution then it is recommended you take a break from your work and stay back at home to fulfill your responsibilities as well as this is the good time to be with your kid where he will be learning and bonding more with parents.(especially mothers) once he turns 5 years old and will be involved more with his school and friends and you Mom- in - Law's health has improved you can go back to work or start something of your own (self employed) where you can have more time for everything.

Someday you will be a MIL and God forbid you will also need your daughter in law's help. Do as best as you can, one day you will be proud of yourself.

I know hw you feel. My very good friends grandmother was in a worse condition. My friends mom was extremely frustrated after serving her for more than two years as her husbands brothers refused to take her in.

Does your husband have brothers? you can ask your husband to send your MIL at your husbands brothers house for a while.

Or Appoint a maid who will take care of her 24*7.

Or serve her whole heartedly (if dat requires you leaving your job). If shes very old and the chances of survival is minimum, then just pray that it happens soon and the death causes her very little pain. My friends grandmom passed away in her sleep. The best death according to me.

Dont show aversion towards her simply because godforbid if she passes away, you will feel terrible that you dint do anything for her with love. Ur MIL will surely notice everything and the blessings of the ones who are just going to die are always genuine.

I wish you all the best.

Why do you think that your husband doesn't know this? If he has not spoken this with you doesn't mean he doesn't know your dilema / interest / involvement / acceptance. By the way, heart patients do not need so much care, like handicapped / paralysed patients. I feel you are blaming MIL for your inefficiencies, incapabilities and disinterest. Beware, your parents also will come to this life phase sometime. Finally, please learn to separate your work life from personal life.

It may be best to have a nanny for your 2 year old, while you work, and to help help with the mother-in-law. You do not have to suffer in the process. It is not easy to work and do all household chores (especially if some one is sick at home, and a child needs help). Most women with young children do not find it easy to work, if they do, they do part time, while other family members or friends help look after the baby. But in your case, you have both the child and the sick mother - who can't look after the baby! You really need external assistance. First of all talk with your husband, and then decide on getting external help - nanny and/or live in caretaker for the mother in law.

you need to talk to your husband slowly...tell him you are finding it difficult to do everything..do not blame your mum in law..it is not her fault and her son has every right to take care of her...if your salaries are enough then you can hire someone to take care of some things and ease things off your shoulder...if it si sooo difficult...to hell with the job that dosen't give peace of mind..take a few months break..i know once out of the job it is very difficult to get a new one..so if i was in your position i would try to hire someone who cooks and helps in taking care of your child and mum in law...

try talking to your husband calmly..try to explain how stressful it is..if you continue taking so much stress..you will end up being a heart patient in the future..you don't want that...

Minakshi Dear,

You can not ride on two boats at the same time. I understand the job is needed to make the living, but the responsibilties back in home would require your attention . You cant get away with it. You have to deal with the situation. Believe me and have patience in your mind and trust that almighty GOD that will give you the strength to face the situation.

Dear Minakshi, As far as I can make out you are quite intelligent and know more than anybody else what to do at this junction of life. It is not difficult to presume what you would have done had she been your own mother instead of m-i-l? It is the play of mind which confuses you to think of selfishness. Though I am at a loss to understand till now what has, if anything, transpired between you and your husband. Certainly, your husband should have taken the lead and discussed the matter to the last of options.

My sincere advise; 'Don't lose heart and mind and do the needful even if you may have to slog for best part of your life and sacrifice personal happiness. I know it is easy said than done but recollect a scene of Ramayana, when Kekayee asks Ram to go for banvaas then not only Sita but even Laxman also gives up every thing willingly just to face the adversity collectively.

Life is a very tough business, my dear, but once you determine then slowly you will be able to not only focus on each and everything but be able to take charge of all situation.

I will end with a few words from Bible: "For in much wisdom is much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow".

Best wishes!

In India you don't marry a person, it is the whole family responsibility. Your husband must be well aware of it.

How old she is? Is she diabetic? Can your husband's income alone take care of all the expenses? If yes, better take a long leave without pay and look after your mother in law and child. You can re-join your company later.

If not, discuss with your husband and engage a servant who will take care of your mother in law and the child both.

Start giving her wrudved ayurvedic capsule for her heart trouble. Search in Google for Wrudved.