good thaught

But, Gopala the question that was written above was and I quote "Can we really forgive and forget an affair" and so I wrote what I felt to address that question. In an Indian society at least not many will forgive and forget an affair. AND I AM TOTALLY AGAINST EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIRS AND I FEEL THAT THOSE WHO HAVE INCLINATION FOR MULTIPLE SEX PARTNERS (I MEAN SIMULTANEOUSLY AND NOT AFTER ONE PARTNER'S DEATH) MUST NOT MARRY AT ALL! BECAUSE THEN WHAT IS THE MEANING THAT IS LEFT FOR SUCH A MARRIAGE (AS AN INSTITUTION)? AND I WONDER HOW COME THESE SO-CALLED PEOPLE WHO DO EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIRS CALL THEMSELVES CIVILIZED BECAUSE THEY ARE NOTHING SHORT OF HAVING ANIMAL INSTINCTS!

Hi Anita.. I liked your post..but here we are not talking abt affair is unethical or ethical ..here we feel that affair is not good..but even then also can we forget and firgive an affair?.. that is what we are talking..

i appreciate your long post Gopala

Actually it is other way around, most of the girls do not have self respect,only a few has. Otherwise there would not have been any problem at all. It is a collective responsibility is some one is going beyond the relationaship and having affair with another. `Slapping gal' get matured. If tiger woods wife has so much self respect (like you !) then why is she demanding so much money ! Just have self respect, earn your own and bring up kids !!!! "slapping gal" please get your conscience correct... eat and maintain yourself on your money first and then calculate self-respect !!!

this shows ur character.. n reflects wht u think.. this may be in ur case.. had u been tiger woods wife i m damm sure u wudnt have left him? My dear Money does not matter that much to all girls other than self respect .. for few cases only...

cud u plz ellaborate more on ur comment/reply??? Unable or rather difficult to understnd wht u trying to say.....

hehehehe okk no issues if u use bold letters.. try to limit ur use.. by typing in just those letters which u wanna focus or point instead of all !!

what the hell u mean by supriya would have also stayed with him? ohh plz u better talk abt urself bulbul.. dont consider everyone like urself... n dont judge ppl simply.. m not like that wht u assume.. n my values stand for me first... mind it next time u comment on me bulbul..

Supriya would have also stayed with him

Yes I too agree with u !! Thanks for such a nice explanation!!

i agree , truly fact based comment ! good going !

Good for u Supriya. U'r a smart lady and I agree with u. If someone I luv cheats on me, hurt me and betray me, hell will freeze over before I give that persone a second chance to hurt me again. Self respect is more important to me than men.

supriya i like vry much ur comments but why dont u keep ur original photo on the site?

i totally agree with Gopala.. and bulbul dont consider all girls to be the same, for u money may be important but for me my values matter the msot.. mind it before u speak out plzz..

@Rao..everything in this world cannot be compared to money and fame.. there are lot of people who gave more importance to other things like self esteem rather then to money and fame..maybe u can live with rich and money partner after he/she had affairs... but people who have self esteem cannt do that

your selfesteem will fly way to leave a person like tiger wood. His wife should be thankful to god that she is his wife. If he can have 12 affairs he can marry tweleve times aswell (if he wants...) Who cares about your slap... Each woman try to act like that...


@ Gopala : Science is above all human qualities. If you are educated you can control everything rather than talking about cheap sentiments like slapping etc. Science says a very large part human (male) brain always thinks about wrong things e.g, sex.. apparently male brain cannot but thinks about sex every couple of hours. Thus it needs needs complimentary help from other female partner. In most cases that is not satisfied.... This is what defines selfesteem that you can or cannot control your partner. This has nothing to do with money or glamour. All of us are intrinsically wild, ugly atleast part of time. The other partner must understand that... there is no point talking about money cannot give this , money cannot give that... You can leave without your partner, you can leave without your selfesteem, but my friend you cannot leave without money. Please dont take abuse, thanx.

nice debate between girish and gopala.. i enjoyeedddd!! healthy discussion issi ko to kehte hai na... :-) keep smilng n keep posting !!

Regards
Supriya

Yep Girish i accept..

ya bro, now i get your point . I say you are right about women ...they will come back . simply because they have nowhere to go ! Men , in this case will not be running after their female partners ! ... i yet say buddy ... a mistake is a mistake ... and if men are dogs,women are bitches ! sexy naughty bitchy me !

Girish I agree with last part of your reply. WOMEN also cheat.

But still stick to my belief. Girish I donot understand why you are missing my point. I am saying they will come back together and sometimes it is adjustment not love.. You are saying they will not at all come back..I am saying sometimes some people come back and the reason maybe adjustment not love...thats what I was trying to tell...what you say on this..

boss, you are logical but not reasonable ! Simply because , in such situations , it is called adjustment with sacrifices and not "love" or "forgiveness".
When it comes to cheating i again say this , IT IS NOT ONLY MEN WHO CHEAT , WOMEN CHEAT AS WELL

@Supriya..if I was in position of Tiger woods wife..then yes I will divorce him and do whatever you said ..since if will get money and my kids life will be secured..

Now Supriya..how abt this.. normal housewife.... didnot work from past 15 years.. so no technical skills..having kids... no prenup.. still love ur partner.. ur partner realized his mistake .. but he truly loves u and kids..then what..i am saying this because you will find this situations many in INDIA and middle class families... So when we talk abt such topics we must take majority of scenario which we see in real life.. not high society..

so my final word.. no matter how ever others take it.. i still believe yes...partners may sometime come back together even after one cheats,...they come back depending on situations and compromises..the one which worked in one cases will not work on all cases

About discussing abt Tiger's wife.. i donot mind abt it since I am sure she will not read this.. I was just saying what she needs to do.. but not we have to do..

after reading posts of Gopala and Mohammed I would like to say tht I still stand by my words wht i said before.. only a girl can understand ths better.. tell me Gopala or Mohammed.. keep urself in place of Tiger's wife and tell me had u been ithere and ur spouse would have cheated u not once not twice but 15 times then would u be in a mental position at all to think about him/her again? Will ur love for tat person still survive inspite of being cheated so miserably?? Wouldnt ur self respect and self esteem conflict ur saying? I can write and give u that you would never again in ur this life accept ur spouse neither would u see his/her face... no matter how much u love him/her, you would prefer spending ur life in those memories where u had loved ur spouse instead of living with ur spouse who had hurted u n shaken u up.. n made u think again and again tht was ur love insufficient or false for ur spouse that he/she had to go to soemone else that too for 15 times... ?????????????????


And Gopala I know very well that we shud live the decision to tiger's wife only but here when this issue is discussed we alll are just giving frank opinions.. our opinions wont reach to his wife and neither she is bothered to read our thinkings......

Happy posting n keep smilng!!

-Supriya

i agree with Supriya 100%

hi supriya and gopala i read your posts its really a worth, but to all the people who are in this discurssion i want clear onething not only the matter of husband an awife, girl frd or boy frd, if you think in a manner humanity it is that whoever did the which i believe he or she has pay to for it . in front of god right? if comes to relationship of husband and wife its depend on the love how much they love each other, if we love truly to someone if he does a mistake we get hurt but our hatredness will beaten by our love if we want to seprate from him but we cant because we dont have a control on love it happens we cannot generate it is from god

@Supriyaji.. I read your post and liked. I wanted to put few points in front of you all. I guess in this discussion there are two things

1) Does you have same emotions and feelings before.. for this I feel no. No matter you forgive your partner still you have that bruising on heart so the same feelings and emotions cannot be back.

2) Does the partners come back and live together. I feel for this yes they come back sometimes and live together and for this we have few reasons like when married couples faces this problem few come back for kids ..society..and family.. Just donot consider HIGH society where everything is practical and breakup and using words EX is normal and for them prenup is like key to happiness ( money and secured life)..there the things you said are done within seconds... but if we come back to Middle class normal family which are in large number and also rural families sometimes they come back.

What I mean to say is what ever you said we cannot generalize to all.

And about Tiger wood's wife ..yes she has and she will have. So what you expect her to do.. just slap him in front of everyone and just ruin his career and his life... All gals just think this for a second.. I would accept what Supriya said abt Tiger if Tiger till now didnot accept what he did and just blindly said no.. everything is false like Malik did... but Tiger took up responsibility.. stood infront of everyone and ready to accept blame.. so in this case we must leave her alone and abt why the hell she must forgive him.. for that...it is her decision.. if she wants to she can.. and if she doesnot want to she can... and there is no reason for her to tell her reason to everyone exept to Tiger and her kids and family....

Some people go back...they do.. they have their reasons and invariably when they do..they keep some things and some valuable things above them.. they may be kids, family, society and also love on the partner..

not agreed!!

a mistake is a mistake my friend ! I think if my spouse had given it a second thought or had rather thought about the consequences that follow ... she would have had never committed infidelity in the first place. So , there is no forgiving.Simply because , if i forgive once , its pretty obvious , she'll start taking me for granted. What i mean here is , if there simply is reason to cheat , which can be due to me , she need not spend the rest of her life sacrificing and adjusting for me ! Same goes vice a versa. If i ever betray my spouse,for whatever possible reason , i wouldn't expect her to forgive me !
Otherwise there is another option ... 100 ways to commit a crime , 101 ways to get caught and 102 to prove yourself not guilty , but i believe , is i commit a crime , i will make sure i am not caught ! :-)

I guess that SAAM DAAM DAND BHEDH doesnot work at all times buddy. It is just my personal feelings. Like you said in other post easy to say hard to follow.. this is also same.. we cannot use that rule for all cases.. every case is unique and every one has one outcome that is based on few real reasons.. when you are cheated things change and when you do cheating then change..

very true Girish!! once a mistake always a mistake!!

accept with you ...Gambhir what you said is true..

Ritaban..you said correct buddy... I also feel what you said.. instead of passing a VERDICT and say that NO THEY CANNOT come back..I agree with your discussion

WELL SAID BUDDY .... HATS OFF TO YOU !

jess did you cheat or did your partner cheat... will be waiting for ur reply..

well said buddy ! nice use of sophisticated words in a aggressive way !

May be true, but when talking of infedility you should also fetch the reasons behind infedility as well. Women want their men to be loyal but wont necessarily satisfy them. Men by nature have certain demands which they may not be able to control and they divulge in extra marital relationships. And I dont think men go after men in this case. So the fairer sex should also share the responsiblity. Why dont the ladies accept that men go only after the ones who are available or the ones who lure them. More over in todays world it is the fairer sex who wants men to go after them. Other wise how in the world you justify hipsters or low neck dresses. Is that where you show your competencies or by your performance at work. So please dont cry wolf. Women are equally responsible.

hi ekta i really agree with you obsolutely correct ,its very very hard to recover in my i cant imagine also

How cheap and sexist can 1 be...

Ekta, while reading this reply- just look at the right hand side of the screen and count how many women are there- out of 741........Let's not call it a cheating..it's just fulfilling the mental, physical or even pshycological needs. I know guys who just run to their favourite women for just no reason- spend time together in movie halls, parks have some fun and come back smiling...same goes with women too

This is a subjective social issue.

But perhaps, we would like to take a minute and ponder on WHY women start the cheating game now as well?

I think the answer is obvious is'nt it?Sumtimes, role reversals are exactly what we nid to learn...

@Girish..good point dude with nick backup. Ekta I guess before saying something and pointing fingers towards others it is better you look yourself in mirror and know that when one finger point to others 3 fingers point towards you.

hey miss , i suggest you visit the website idiva . Just type idiva on google and follow the first link ... go to the dark secrets column of that site and you will see all your fellow females confessing their darkest confessions ! like sleeping with 3-4 different men after marriage , cheating their husbands by faking someone else's child ! its pathetic ... never knew women will go that cheap just for the sake of sex and money ! disgusting

@Ekta.. there is nothing rule like more men cheat.. please be broad and educated rather than over estimated and false qualities chicks... but one thing sure women cheat men hard to recover since it tells women play with hearts, feelings and life rather than most men.. now me in same situation played out by a gal.. so get your facts straight and please behave liked educated..not books learn abt life and reality..

nobody can re-ignite a broken relationship, when its caused by cheating. it takes many years to repair that damage. and not many people have the patience to go thru so many years of testing anymore. once you've cheated, its better to back out rather than go thru the constant strain of being reminded by the woman about what you did. and they have the knack of doing that even if you forget to leave the toilet seat down... or is it up? damn...

Get your facts in order, its more women who cheat now...

Yes true Kanwat

Nice and Optimistic... like sania.

Singh nicely said

I agree with you Aakriti. But don't u think it is a collective responsibility. Is it not some kind of a responsibility of the couples to help or put on track the other wrong doer ? Science says Male brain cannot but think about sex every couple of hours, this has to be understood as well. Before thinking about immorality, cheating one should deeply think. I am the other partner is also responsible for this --- should get back to work it out , than slapping, punishing etc... what do u think ?

Hi, As i feel that u should give the chance to ur partner as he is a human, and mistake are happened with them only so whoever will be ther may Man/ woman, if the person is guilty and he knowns and accpeted than forgive his all sins..

And accept him with a open heart

Which one's most difficult ? Envy, Shock or Anger ...?

i agree completely

Well said Ananya and u'r right.
No Aniruddha, time does not heal anything, It might ease the pain a little but even the pain will come back. That's why we have psychiatrists.

It is because girls do not understand science of males. one man goes to other simply because his mental requirement is like that and you are not being able to provide that... that is the way one should control once emotion rather than getting hurt. Your partner may be dreaming about some one all the time but could not do it physically so he/she remains obident to you. You can never read somebodies mind. So what s the point thinking about cheating etc...

Yea does change for sure. But time heals... detest the sin not the sinner..