my self nehra a 23 yrs old guy (govt. servant) from rajasthan. i m confused that i sud marry the girl who was engaged with me by my parents before 8 yrs ago when i was of fifteen yrs old. i mean, was not aware that which type of girl will be suitable for me to marry.

if i talk about the girl i m engaged with her, she is a 16 yrs old girl of my village. she is not eduacated, i never seen her.

engagement was done by my father & girl's father. i was not asked or discussed about this that "i m being engaged with this girl". Because i have already told u that when i was only 15 yrs old, so u may consider that i was not mature about this.

the another important thing is that i m not in favour to spend of my rest life with the girl i'm engaged. but when i talked to my parents my parents many times from last 3-4 yrs they r telling me that "if u want to be kicked by urs wife & want to wash clothes of urs wife then ur illeterate wife can do this, why u want to marry a educated girl". i mean that they think educated girls r not of fair character & faithful to their familly.

i wud like to say that my familly is very conservative & of village background, but friends now a days the things have been changed. so one cant sustain in these all thinking & conditions.

al last, i wud like to say that i m not interested to marry her. if i do this my familllly may be seen with bad eyes & treated badly by society.
if it wud be then my parents & other members of familly may behave me as a bad person born in familly & may be dont want to accept me a member of familly. even my mother is illeterate & i m a good person & child of her but friends it was before 45 yrs ago ... now the time & requirements r changed...

pls help me, i know i commented/written many wrong & unfamiliar things but help me pls...

pls clarify me that
1. should i marry her?
2. what will happen to her if i not marry her?
3. if i marry her, then what mostly things affect me?
4. if i marry her then any bad effeft on my childs
5. not marry to her bad effect to me & her in society
6. if i marry her by force of my familly then will i be happy and satisfied in my life & she also with me
7. marrying with her i m doing wrong or correct being a mature & educated citizen of country

Well I believe you should first meet that girl. Dont think whether you have to marry her or not but just ask your parents to arrange a casual meet. Speak to her. Try to know her. If you both like each other after that take the decision. Also as you mentioned she is just 16 years old, I beleive now is the right time to meet and discuss so that you would get some time to know her and she would also be more mature by the time she turns 18. Remember we are in india and here family and culture is more important but at the same time, we have to think about both the girl and boys future. Spend some time with her and give her a chance as well to know you. Then take the decision.

Dont marry her, its us who have to change the type of society we're living in. Who will set the laws of tomorrow? us. Dont live for your parents. be urself, when they're dead and gone, who'll be miserable? this tradition issue is bad for youths. forgive me if i upset anyone

ARREST THIS MAN AND HIS PARENTS ...he is guilty by his own admission...

"....if i talk about the girl i m engaged with her, she is a 16 yrs old girl of my village. ... i was not asked or discussed about this that "i m being engaged with this girl". Because i have already told u that when i was only 15 yrs old, so u may consider that i was not mature about this."

i think u dont live ur life just for urself right? n when u urself r not sure wht type of girl u want.. then better go with ur families choice coz if u marry aginst them they wud treat ur choice wife very badly makng ur n her life miserable..



1) YES u shud marry her



2) if u dont marry her then her life will b spoilt n urs too as u said ur parents are of village backgrnd



3) if u marry her then nothing much great bad is going to happen to u.. u need to adjust with her thts it.. whch u wud do with ur choice's wife too right?



4) if u marry her then how is it going to affect ur child? u educate ur children like u want.. why will she say not to educate them just coz she is not educated..



5) again u plz marry her coz she will hav a bad name due to u in society..



6) yes if u adjust with her thn obvoisly u will b happy with her.. but if u dont then ur luck.. be mentally prepared.. n try to adjust more..



7) the seventh point u mentioned is nonsense n it has nothing to do with educated citizen of country n all.. imagine if u were not educated n the girl was educated n u both were engaged as now.. then wht if she refused u to marry just coz u were uneducated n not of her standards... how bad u wud feel.. imagine.. n then react ..so i suggest marry her.. ur parents n u n she n society all will b happy..



Regards



Supriya

THANKS FOR YOUR REPLY TO MY COMMENTS.IT IS NOW FOR YOU TAKE A DECISION WITH STRONG HEART.IF YOU CHOOSE TO HAVE TIE WITH THE OLDER GIRL,GET MARRIED OR ELSE YOU MAY REFUSE AND CONVEY YOUR DECISIONS TO YOUR PARENTS.REST OF THE LIFE OF YOURS AND THE LADY WILL BE TAKEN CARE BY GOD.WHAT OTHER FRIENDS OF YOUR AGE GROUP THINGS,FORGET THEM.IT IS YOUR OWN LIFE.PERSONS ARE HAVING LIFE PARTNER TOTALLY ILLETRATE WOMEN AND MANY OF THEM ARE POWERFUL WOMEN TODAY HOLDING POST OF SARPANCH AND OTHER LEADING ROLES IN THE INDIA.

Hi frns i know that it is the discussion forum where any topic may be discussed. But frns here is a different thing pls come & help me because its the matter of my life, i mean to say that now m not here to debate but for my solutionn of a big issue of life.....



i wud like to say thax those posted their suggestions & i request to other youngsters & had gone through out the same problem/confusionn in life. pls advise & sshare urs view to help me pls

thax

nehra

My Advice is -> 1. agar woh aapko pasand he toh shaadi jaroor karo . 2. Aapke shaadi ke liye na karne se Girl ki zindagi kharab ho sakti he 3. Nothing , aapke shaadi karne se aapki zindagi pe koi bad affect nahin padega . 4. no bad affect on child. 5. not marry to her may leads to many problems like u may become bad person in the eyes of ur parents and family members aur woh tumse relation tod sakte hen aur ladki ki zindagi bhi kharab ho sakti he . 6. happy life or unhappy life , i don't know , yeh toh God ko pata he ki Future mein apki marriage life kaisi hogi ? 7. U r doing correct as a educated citizen of country . Girl ko education shaadi ke baad bhi dilayi ja sakti he . U have to give respect to ur parents , agar tum unki baat nahin manoge toh ho sakta he woh tumhari life mein koi help nahin karenge aur kya tum apni puri life apne khud ke kandho pe le sakte ho , agar family members tumse relation tod den ya ghar se bahar kar den ?

Dear Nehra,

I have gone through your topic and feel that you are total confused over the matter.I donot know from which place of Rajasrhan You are and what is your education and other activities like in service or business.

Please come back to me for more advice in building up your confidence to live with things.However I suggest that you should marry the girl immediately withouit wasting any time to save her spoiling the life for rest of tiMe.There should be no hitch in marrying the girl irerespective of whether she is educated or not.Try to live with things and reputation of your parents who have given you life to live upto this age .You should honor the sentiments of your elders and give full respect.If the girl is not educated ,you may help her to have education and start some small cottage/tiny industry at home where you and your parents may help in generating income.MAHILA'S ARE GIVEN MORE FINANCIAL AIDS BY GOVT AND TRAINING IN VARIOUS SECTORS.

Why you should leave the older girl and marry with new one whose carrer ,you donot know.If you are seperated by your parents you will have to live with your life alone and generate income to live,feed the girl and the children .education and other heavy burden of accomodation,light etc etc IN TIME TO COME

If you respect your parents ,atleast you get rid of from all these and then you should help your parents in generating income for your new addition and the family members.

Throw away all the confusions from your mind and take a proper step/decission to live. Donot be misguided by your friends and elements who may perhaps spoil your rest of life and career.THIS IS MY ADVICE.HOPE YOUR LIFE WILL BE BETTER ONCE YOU SETTLE DOWN ALL CONFUSIONS.GOOD LUCK