We revere our “mothers”, worship Goddesses Lakshmi, Saraswati, Parvati, Durga, Kali, claim they represent wealth, intelligence, strength and power and then offers prayers for a boy child, or worse still, want to abort a girl child! Absolutely hypocritical and shocking!!!The female to male ratio has just dipped to 914 women to a 1000 men. We are a country that has had a woman prime minister,a woman president, we have witnessed Kalpana chawla going into space... and closer to home, seen women working shoulder to shoulder with men, excelling in their fields and being on par as earning members. Why then, this ridiculous bias against a girl child being born? If you give them equal opportunity and education they are just a capable of earning, being strong, self sufficient, resilient and the bread winners for the family. Every time I read about rape, sexual abuse and molestation it angers me because men are perpetrators of such crimes, not women. But gender disparity ratios anger me doubly because it denotes a woman’s consent in aiding the death of girls. When you read about deranged, sexually frustrated men raping and molesting girls that are just 2 years old to women in their 70’s it’s because given dwindling numbers, that many of these men are unable to find their own women. If you want to keep your mothers, wives and children in a safer world... it lies with you to keep our society gender balanced, and to give birth to more girls.

Q- I have been married for 7 years into a very good family. I have a daughter and am pregnant with my second child. My husband wants a son to carry on his business. I explained to him that we cannot choose what sex our child is born, children are Gods git. But he says we must keep trying till we have a son. I don’t want to have more than two children and am very disturbed. My in laws also are with my husband on this issue. What do I do?

Pooja- By good family I presume you mean ‘rich’, because their thought processes and belief systems aren’t really ‘good’ by any standard. Aren’t you happy you were born? Isn’t your husband happy his mother was born? A woman can do anything a man can do in today’s times. Kiran Mazumdar Shaw heads the largest company for bio technology and is one of the highest tax payers in the country. Fortunately sonongraphy for gender determination is illegal in India and so is female
foeticide, so you just go ahead and enjoy your pregnancy. It might be worth your while to research all the successful Indian women and read out their success stories to your husband during the next few months. Women have the power to give birth to more women and also toput an end to discriminatory practices. Exercise that power!

Q- I am a 25 year old software engineer married for the past year and a half. My husband drinks a lot and starts hitting and abusing me. He keeps saying negative things about my family. My in-laws also do not support me and say that once a kid will be born everything will become alright. But I am not sure and do not want my child's future to be in danger. Should I leave him or have a kid?

Pooja- Having a child solves nothing. Hit violent abusive ways and alcohol dependency are not based onbeing or not being a parent. You must be firm and stand your ground and insist that a child will be born only to sane, non violent, loving parents. Also, I suggest you be absolutely stern about never being hit again. It’s against the law, and if he persists, take the support of your parents or a women’s rights group and decide on a positive course of action. You’re an intelligent, educated, working woman. You can easily walk out of an abusive environment if the need arises. There is simply no point committing to child bearing and a future with a man who is not willing to change his harmful ways.
 

Q-I belong to a minor community where inter-caste marriages are taboo. Three years back I broke up with my boyfriend and went into depression. After a while I started liking this guy who was a friend initially but I got attracted to him. He is a South Indian Brahmin and works at a nice place. I didn’t tell my parents about him but they eventually found out and do not like him at all. On the other hand, his parents are ready to accept me. I have a different ideology as compared to my family; I am liberal while they are conservative. My standard of living is also not like them. I am in tension and do not know what to do?

Pooja- If inter-caste marriages are taboo in their conservative environment so are pre-marital relationships. You’ve already broken barriers and chosen your path. The question is do you do it fully or in half measures? Inter caste marriages are a societal/cultural phenomena and not a moral one. The older generations choose to holdon to belief systems because it’s familiar and change is unsettling for them. The younger generations are more likely to relate to their partners for who they are and not what community they happened to be born into. You have a choice... make your parents happy or make yourself happy and hope that they find happiness in your happiness!


Q-I am a 17 year old boy who is in love with a girl who is much smarter than me. I have told my parents that I love her but they say that the man should be smarter and earn more than his wife. I have discussed this with my friends and they say that my thinking like this does not hold any ground. I constantly feel inferior to her but love her a lot. What do I do?

Pooja- I don’t like the fact that you use the word ‘inferior”. It has a negative connotation and such “inferiority feelings” can be detrimental to your state of mind and lead to fights and ego conflicts. However, if you choose to replace the words and emotion with love and respect for her intelligence, then it doesn’t matter at all. How wonderful to have a smart wife. She is someone you can learn from and you will be someone she can lean on. Take it positively.


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